WHAT’S THE POINT?
I am genuinely grateful for my followers and people who share their happy tales with me. However, lately, I feel that my efforts at making this world a better place for rescue animals are a mere drop in the ocean. In some cases, I wonder if I’m wasting my time.
A friend messaged me to say her beloved dog Lacey had not been well. They took her to the vet and determined that Lacey had a massive tumor and it would only be a matter of time before she passed. My heart broke for Laura and Dan. All dog owners and anyone who has lost a beloved companion can’t help but empathize with other pet parents at times like this. Their usual vet was out of town, and they didn’t feel they were given much information, or direction, from the young vet they consulted. Of course not knowing what to do makes these situations worse.
I live miles away and did not want to overwhelm Laura with messages. I would touch base at regular intervals and spoke on the phone with her one particularly difficult evening. I had no advice for this situation and felt useless.
A few weeks later came the news that Laura and Dan had helped Lacey pass. Their vet came to the house, and Lacey was able to leave this world while her little body rested in her bed.
The couple had experienced grief before. This time, however, the house no longer resonated with the tapping of tiny paws on the tile flooring.
At least, when we said goodbye to Dakota, we still had Lacey. Now there is such emptiness, a huge hole in our hearts
Although I tried to be strong on the other end of the phone, I cried for their loss, too.
On previous occasions, Lacey had come to visit with her people, and she was a perfect guest. The pretty little Lhasa Apso had been with her people since puppyhood and although she had lived a wonderful life, fourteen years was still too soon.
The day after I posted a sympathy note, I learned that Laura’s mother had also passed. I knew this further bereavement, so soon after the first would be completely overwhelming for Laura. Dan would likely struggle to manage his grief as well as provide support to his wife during this additional loss.
I picked out another card and sent it, assuming I would arrive before it did. I planned to make the five-hour drive down to visit, the following weekend. Laura and Dave would be coming to visit us in a few weeks, but I didn’t want to wait to hug her (in person).
I didn’t deliver that hug.
I received another message from Laura, and she seemed happier and more positive than she had seemed in a month (or as much as can be concluded from a text message). She asked me to keep an eye out for a pup or adult Lhasa or Maltese. At the end of the message, she added that they would consider a rescue – followed by a question mark.
Rescue is all I do!
Don’t get me wrong; People are entitled to choose to go through a breeder (hopefully reputable). People may also have a breed, gender, or size preference.
What matters is that they are all loved and cared for.
I volunteer for different organizations, I foster, and I fundraise. I’m also a matchmaker. Some people reach out to me about pets needing to be rehomed and others looking to adopt a pet will ask for my help finding a good fit for them. Therefore, it did not seem strange to me that one of my best friends would ask for my help. I told her I would love to help her find someone to honour Lacey’s legacy.
My happy bubble quickly burst as I read the next message:
Talking Dan into a rescue might be hard. He knew someone that had a rescue Lhasa, and they regretted it as it bit people
My anxiety kicked in, and I could barely catch my breath. I reread the words to be sure I hadn’t misinterpreted them. Each time, I felt as though my friend had delivered a punch to my gut.
WHEN WILL PEOPLE STOP BELIEVING THE STEREOTYPES ABOUT RESCUE ANIMALS?
As I looked down at my four rescues, all scattered comfortably around the living room; I burst into tears. My pack consists of puppy mill rescues and an abused cat. I worked hard with each of them and would not trade them for the world. Nothing is more rewarding than seeing an unwanted, neglected, or fearful animal learn to trust people and enjoy life. And they do enjoy life. Very much!
I believe that some people should not rescue. I also believe that some people should not be pet owners. Last-mentioned are people who do not do their research or consult rescue organizations or breeders about temperament, energy level etc. These are the people that ‘regret it’ and aren’t willing to do the extra work that may be required. I say ‘may’ because not all rescues require rehabilitation. To be clear, ALL dogs require some amount of work.
I do NOT believe that rescue animals should be considered broken, less deserving, or less lovable than puppies and purebreds.
Regrettably, I lost my cool. A count of ten and as many long breaths in and out did not do the trick.
I messaged back asking if Dakota had been a rescue. I knew full well he wasn’t and I also knew that he had bitten Laura’s housekeeper in the face, taking a piece of her cheek in the process.
Her response: No. None of our dogs were. We paid big bucks for them all.
We exchanged a few more messages before I suggested we change the subject.
I’m not sure which breaks my heart more, the fact that I fell out with a dear friend at one of the most difficult times in her life, or the fact that one of my best friends would make such a stereotypical comment and actually believe it. Especially, as we discussed rescue animals in great length, only last year.
If I can’t change the way those closest to me see the world or rescue, I might as well retire this blog.
Don’t worry; I will never stop advocating for the animals.
Janice says
We all get tired sometimes, and lose hope at other times and that’s ok
Wishing you peace and hope and a return, as you will, to your hopeful self
J
Sadie says
It was a delight to read your kind words. Thank you, Janice.
Sue says
I have learned so much from you about rescue dogs and cats. You are educating people. There will always be those who never listen. I hope for the sake of the animals you keep writing. You are doing a really good thing. Thanks, sue
Sadie says
Thank you, Sue. You’re right – I must remember WHY I write.
Talent Hounds says
I am so sorry for your experience and loss and your poor friends- we have a good article about dealing with loss if you think it might help them at all. I am obviously a big supporter of rescues – I have had 4 great rescue dogs over my life and have the rescues rock campaign and our song Forever shows just how many success stories there are. However I really think people should do what is right for them. It is so important that people do their research and pick the right pet for their lifestyle and personality etc. I just do not think we should judge if someone chooses to get a specific puppy or breed from a responsible breeder- they truly love their dogs. There are no guarantees but there are better odds that traits will transfer and in Ontario, there are very few small-medium healthy puppies available through rescue now and at a time of stress or loss- take the path that makes you happy. Kilo, my number 5 rescue, is adorable and has improved after a big investment in training, time, love and treats but he is definitely broken and regularly breaks my heart because he can’t get over his past and he can be a danger to himself and others so he can not do the stuff I would love to do and other dogs would enjoy. Very stressful and sad. I get rather jealous when I see confident cute loving dogs that can walk and socialize and do therapy etc.
Sadie says
Yes, Kilo is one of the minority that requires more work. It takes a special kind of person to be willing to make that effort. Thank you.
To be clear, I don’t judge people for choosing to go through a breeder. I took offense to my friend’s belief in the stereotype that ALL rescue dogs have issues.
Ruth Epstein says
I am so sorry for your experience and sending you a big hug. Your blog has been such an inspiration and although you feel you need to step back which I understand, take a break, rethink all as your voice will be missed especially in the rescue world. I lost a friend that way who insisted on spending thousands from a breeder when there was the same breed dog – 1 years old at a rescue and he would not listen. I just gave up and told him bye as it in a way showed me another side of him I did not like. Friends can shock us in so many ways, it hurts, it makes us feel lost as such but one door closes another one opens and from experience that is how I look on life. Layla is a rescue, and for me it will only be rescues and they need us to help them find homes.
Sending love
Sadie says
Thank you, Ruth. I truly appreciate your kind words.
Ava at Savvy Pet Care says
I’m so sorry you had this experience and feel your pain and frustration. My feeling is, if we help one person or one pet with our blogs then it is worth it. I’m sure your stories have changed the way many folks look at rescues.
Ava at Savvy Pet Care recently posted…My Favorite Hack in the War Against Insect Pests
Sadie says
Thank you, Ava.
Beth says
I understand how disheartening it is that your friend’s husband wouldn’t budge on this and I guess she wouldn’t either. However, I hope it won’t be your last post. Every person who advocates for rescue animals may be helping change a stranger’s mind.
Your blog amplifies your voice and lets you reach people all over the world. Don’t let one close-minded friend (or her husband) silence you.
Sadie says
Thank you, Beth.
Holly says
I understand both sides of this. I live with 12 rescue cats, including 3 apparent purebred (no papers so it doesn’t count.) I volunteer, I donate, I advocate. But I’m saving to purchase a pedigreed, show standard, purebred – because I want to show a rescue won’t fit the bill. I fell out with a friend too because I believe there is a place for reputable breeders.
I don’t believe that rescue animals are broken. Sometimes they need more patience, love and understanding is all.
Sadie says
Yes, there is a difference between believing the stereotype and choosing to go through a breeder as a preference. Thank you for understanding the point I was trying to make.
Carleen says
It is a tough situation to see people you are close to misunderstand rescue animals and the process. But by blogging, you help people understand. Please keep it up.
Sadie says
Thank you, Carleen. I’m glad to be part of such a supportive community!
Monika says
I can imagine how you must feel when those that are close to you don’t want to believe what you’re advocating. But I still think that you make a big difference with your blog! Some people are just stuborn but I hope and believe that most people are ready to hear us when we encourage rescue adoption.
Sadie says
Thanks, Monika.
Marjorie at Dash Kitten says
I am sorry you have been let down, and by someone you thought was a better person. Keep the blog, you may find that you regain hope in it at some point,
Your friend sounds like the people who say declawing is acceptable. They have no idea how evil it is. The same prejudices come out, the same misguided or simply stupid concepts.
Keep going, keep rescuing and keep convincing people of what is REALLY RIGHT.
Marjorie at Dash Kitten recently posted…World Cat Domination Day Let’s Celebrate
Sadie says
Oh, boy! We could have a whole conversation about declawing. I nearly fell out with a co-worker over that topic!
I get that some people aren’t aware of what is involved – I admit, I was, at one time one of those people. But when you know, and still proceed…………………………sigh.
Sandy Kubillus says
I hope you keep blogging! The rescue stereotype is hard to beat. We tend to listen to our friends and if one had a bad experience then it influences our thinking. My brother also had a bad experience with a rescue and says he will never rescue another (although they also say this dog is their last).
Some rescues need more training than others, and until others realize that they have to put in the work to train a rescue the same as a new puppy, then it will continue to be an uphill battle.
Thank you for promoting rescues. Read Rescuing Penny Jane to see how things have changed so dramatically over the past few decades. It’s moving in the right direction, it just takes time.
Sadie says
Thank you for the reminder, Sandy. I have this book sitting on my bookshelf!
I guess now is the perfect time to read it.
Dorothy "FiveSibesMom" says
I understand your frustration and disappointment. I get those kind of responses when I tell folks to check out rescue Huskies, that they are “full-blooded” and “not damaged” as many are dumped off or abandoned because people get one are not educated on the breed and are taken by surprise by their needs and traits. I always ask those who seem to think (and say) they are “damaged” or “not real Huskies” – just where do you think they come from?! The same with advising folks about not shaving Huskies in the hot weather. I hope you do not stop blogging! For every one person you *do* help, it is worth it. Maybe this gal will come around and maybe the friendship can be salvaged. Maybe not. While it is disheartening, I like to believe that we are helping with our educational posts, and that in turn helps the dogs in need. Stay the course…we support you!
Sadie says
Thank you, Dorothy. I truly appreciate the support.
Kamira says
Oh no. I feel bad you had a falling out with your friend at such difficult time in her life as you mentioned. So sorry for her loss of her dog and her mom. She may want to check out impurrfectlife.com ?. I’m all for rescuing from kill shelters however at the end of the day I’d like to think as long as an animal finds a loving home that’s what counts. It’s not an animals fault they are brought into this world by a breeder, puppy mill etc. Also some people are just plain ignorant of the realities involved with many breeders. Maybe instead of quitting take time out for yourself … A break and come back. Never let the negativity win. Many are still inspired by your blog and advocacy work. You are making a difference even if you think you are just a drop in a big ocean. I pray you and your friend are able to reconcile and just agree to disagree.
Kamira recently posted…15 Life lessons learned after 24 months of blogging
Sadie says
Thank you for your supportive message, Kamira.
Guilie Castillo says
Oh, Sadie, I hear you—I’ve been in this situation (and have lost more than one friend over animal welfare issues). What I’ve learned is that it’s a lot easier to make an impact—to change a mind, to effect change—with strangers than it is with those close to us. It may be because interacting with a stranger will lack the emotional charge that is, necessarily, an ingredient of relationships with those we care about. I’ve been a rescuer since childhood. Like you, I volunteer with several organizations; I help street animals, I catch stray and feral dogs and cats to bring them to a shelter (when there’s space), I help find homes for them, and work with them to make them more social, more ‘adoptable’; this is how I ended up living with eight dogs—which is a pretty conservative figure in my rescue circle, but it’s still way over the quota. When someone close to me speaks about not spaying/neutering their dog because ‘Puppies are so cute!’, or when I hear a friend is moving away and leaving their dog behind (and then has the gall to ask for my help in finding a home), it feels like a personal betrayal. When I hear the same from a stranger, I’m somehow able to take it more in stride, somehow my attitude changes to helping instead of judging. It’s as if I expect my friends to, if not make my cause their own quite so passionately, at least let it influence their decisions. And when they don’t… Well.
Please don’t discontinue your blog. Animals need all the voices they can get, and yours here is important. People who Google something about animals and/or rescue might land here and might read something that gives them food for thought, something that makes them rethink some of the prejudices they may have about rescues, or about rescuing. Some people may be kind of on the fence about it, and you might provide just the push they needed in the right direction. Someone might just be curious, and after reading something here they might think, ‘Hey, maybe I can do something,’ and end up volunteering or rescuing or adopting a dog or a cat. The ignorance out there constantly surprises me; people have all sorts of biases and prejudices they’re not even aware they have. So putting information out there, our stories and experiences and insights, might give them a nudge towards getting rid of the myths.
Don’t give up. Please. The dogs, and the cats, need you.
Sadie says
It’s sad but true – we do seem to have more of an impact on strangers.
Irene McHugh says
What a disheartening situation that would certainly give anyone pause, probably your friend too. You are one person whose friend disappointed you to your core. You are also a blogger and a member of a larger rescue community so your voice there is much larger. You may be heard more than you know.
Sadie says
Thank you, Irene.
Sweet Purrfections says
I’m sorry you went through this experience. I can honestly see both sides of the conversation. I’ve had rescued cats and Persian cats from a reputable breeder. I know it may be hard, but try to give your friend a break. When one loses a beloved pet, she experiences grief in different ways. I know some people tended to respond to me a little negatively when they found out I was going to get a Persian from a reputable breeder after losing my previous Persian and not getting a cat from a rescue. I tried to remain calm, but as I was going through grief, I couldn’t help but wonder why people didn’t understand my choices. I hope the two of you can repair your relationship and can still enjoy the pets in your lives.
Sadie says
I absolutely respect your choice to go through a breeder. I also know you do not believe the stereotype about rescues. That is the difference.
I should have counted to twenty and not tried to advocate at that particular time.
Cathy Armato says
Oh my goodness, you have had a difficult week. First off, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of Lacey. Secondly, I understand your frustration fully. There is so much ignorance about animals out there and sometimes there is no changing peoples’ ridiculous perceptions. It seems it isn’t your friend that objects to adopting, so much as her ignorant husband. He sounds like the kind of man who doesn’t believe anything he doesn’t pay “big bucks” for has much value. People who claim to “support” shelters and rescue pets but always seem to buy their pets from breeders, leave me puzzled. If rescue pets are never good enough for YOU, how can you claim to truly support rescue? I’m sorry if your opinion of your friend has changed. My last ditch effort would be to ask her husband if he thinks YOUR rescue dogs are inferior dogs he would never want for himself. Then ask him where he thinks all the purebred “rescues” in shelters came from – probably lousy breeders or irresponsible owners. It isn’t the dog’s fault they ended up in rescue! One bad incident can’t possibly define the entire concept of adopting pet! That’s just plain stupid. I hope you can mend your friendship, but don’t feel too badly if you can’t bring yourself to do so. They clearly don’t share your passion & support of rescue pets like you thought they did.
Sadie says
Thank you, Cathy. To be honest, I’m not sure if it was Laura’s husband, or if she threw him under the bus! Although it breaks my heart that I was not able to convince close friends to disregard the stereotype, they are good pet parents. I learned they have ordered their next puppy and I wish them all the best. I have decided to continue to advocate. I hope my efforts will convince some people that rescue dogs are not broken.
Stephanie Seger says
Prejudice comes from both sides – those that want to buy from a reputable breeder and those that only want a rescue dog. What Dan needed was a little reassurance as it sounds like he was using one case where a rescue dog bit to mean ALL rescue dogs will bite. That is no more true than saying ALL pure bred dogs will bite. Both are ridiculous. I do not believe this issue is one that should cause a rift between you as friends. I’m saddened if it has. I have found education is a much more powerful way of communicating the great dogs that exist in rescue. Perhaps you could invite Laura and Dan to come down to one of your shelters to just meet the dogs. They seem like dog lovers so my guess is that is all they would need to fall in love with one of those pups. The dogs really do all the work – the eyes sell themselves. I hope you don’t quit your blog over this. It would be a sad loss for the blogging community and for your audience.
Sadie says
Thank you, Stephanie. Yes, I hope we are able to salvage our friendship.
I agree there are extreme prejudices on both sides. I, for one, do not resent those that go through a reputable breeder – I do take offence to people suggesting that rescue animals are inferior and ‘broken’. More education is definitely necessary. I appreciate your support and I will continue to advocate.
The Ed says
Sadie for every one person who says stupid stuff you are assisting perhaps 5 others. That’s the yin and yang of it. The problem is not your message it is the person who either chooses not to hear or does not have the capacity to take in information, or needs to hear it more than once.
Believe me I’ve been there so I know you’re just venting and assisting animals is in your blood so I don’t think you are going anywhere.
It’s also worth remembering that different people take in information differently. A long chat with you might not click but say a video you send might do the trick or a bonding session where you take her to a rescue home might do it, or send her your post! There are many ways to get that message out and as long as folk like you stick at it we will win.
People are so ignorant about animals generally, you would not believe some of the things I’ve heard! But that’s why people like you exist. It sounds arrogant but if we are indeed the more intelligent ones (in this field) we have to think of different delivery routes to get that information out there and get it to stick.
We have to remember that even people who love dressing up their pooches all day long will still feed them chocolate because they are not as immersed in holistic animal care as you are.
So chill. Always expect dumb and you’ll be prepared mentally to handle it. After all I’m sure there are many areas of life that all of us are not fully informed about no?
Keep doing you.
The Ed says
…And for my other message!
I’m canvassing for our friend who is collecting stories about people and their pets.
We’d love to have yours on the gallery to add to the show of people who love and care for animals.
You’ll find it here at http://www.TipJarStories.com
Once there you’ll see how to add your short story of a few lines in a show of solidarity for kindness to animals.
All the best,
The Ed.
Brennan says
I’ve had times where I thought about stopping, but the I remember all the people that I’m helping during the process. The choice is yours, but I think you’ll be happy if you keep on going with your blog! 🙂
Sadie says
Thank you. I appreciate the support.